How I Recovered From Perfectionism

Would you consider yourself a perfectionist?

I know of many times throughout life where I was struggling with perfectionism and you know what?

It’s been my experience that MANY of us struggle with the “perfectionist” mentality in our day-to-day lives!


I believe this tendency towards perfectionism is something we’re taught through familial & social programming, upbringing, & conditioning.Perfectionist Scale

And ultimately, what drives it all is a deep seated core fear or avoidance that will sabotage & play out in your life over & over again until you resolve this core fear at a cellular level.

For myself personally, it was my lonely childhood & high-pressure corporate background that taught me how to be my own worst critic. I can recall many times throughout my life where my toxic self-talk & judgment of myself or others over not meeting the high standards I used to set would sabotage my life & set me up for failure.

In a nutshell, it limited my greatness & it wasn’t until I started to heal the underlying core fear associated with perfectionism that it changed!

For many of my clients over the years, I’ve also seen the disintegrated side of perfectionism result in unhealthy behaviors (i.e. obsessive-compulsiveness, work-aholism to get things just “right”, closed-mindedness, hyper-judgmental etc…) that limit their greatness & won’t change until the root core fear is addressed & resolved.

So what does perfectionism really look like?

According to the Enneagram personality system that I’ve used to help clients discover their biggest core fears & behaviors over the past 10 years, perfectionism typically shows up in the following ways:

  • The “Internal critic” experienced as a constant stream of self-critical thoughts.
  • Judgment of self & others from constant comparison to an external standard of right/wrong against which everything is measured.
  • Attached to rules; resentful of any deviation to those rules by others.
  • Having an air of ethical and moral superiority; comes from their own drive for self-improvement.
  • Often perceived as a crusader, self-righteous, “do-gooder”.
  • Task oriented with an extreme preoccupation with work: “I can only play when the work is done and it’s never done”.
  • Detail-oriented, methodical, rigid in one’s thinking.
  • Quest is to be loved unconditionally, but they never attain it, never feel “enough”.
  • Feeling flawed inside, so critical of others in order to equalize – “I’m not good so I’ll focus on doing good things.”
  • Very self-controlled; cut off impulses and go to head to figure things out but are really “gut people masquerading as head people”.
  • Suffers from procrastination due to fear of making a mistake.
  • “Things are perfect when I am met, in all ways, by others.”
  • Tend to be black and white in thinking.

Does any of these apply to YOU??

If the answer is yes, you might be wondering how to recover from perfectionism.

The solution?

To resolve & heal the deep seated core fear or avoidance that drives the behavior & discover the growth path for becoming your very own hero!

According to the Enneagram model, the basic underlying core fear or avoidance that drive the Perfectionist behavior boils down basically to:

A deep-seated fear of being corrupt, evil, bad, or defective.

So you see… the behavior arises from the fear.

In order to be deemed as “good” or “right” by others, perfectionists will be ultra-focused on perfection, detail-oriented to the point of obsession (at times) & judgmental as a result of the high standards they hold for themselves. All to avoid being any of what they fear at a cellular level.

So what’s the growth path to help someone struggling with these fears & compulsions?

According to the Enneagram model, here are just a few ideas for growth:

  • Release judgment & the idea you can judge objectively.
  • Learn to see perfection in the moment, in the imperfection.
  • Reduce the dominance of your critical mind.
  • Get out of your mind and into your heart & gut.
  • Learn more than one “right” way, learn to see all sides (i.e. open-mindedness)
  • Get “messy”; lighten up, play and have fun.
  • Find, acknowledge, & heal your “dark side”.
  • Discover, acknowledge & fulfill your passionate desires.

In addition to incorporating any of the above, it can also be helpful to find a practitioner who can help you resolve at the root level the cellular memory associated with any of the deep-seated core fears that sabotage your life!

My favorite by far is a well-known healing modality known as The Journey Method® which has helped to heal thousands of people around the world & is something I’ve used to help clients break free of self-sabotage & accelerate their results since 2007.

Regardless of which of these options you choose, working WITH your fear (rather than against it) to heal & resolve past trauma is the key!

After all, what you resist, persists. 🙂

Jess Bonasso, otherwise known as The Self Care Goddess, helps busy, high-reaching super heroes struggling to juggle it all break-free of the sabotage that leads to burnout & re-ignite their radiance without sacrificing their soul, sanity, or health!

Are you ready to become your very own hero?

For more information, click HERE to learn about Jess OR HERE to apply for & schedule a COMPLIMENTARY* Discovery Consult!

To receive daily inspiration on how to break free from burnout & re-ignite your radiance, be sure to follow me on social media! 🙂


The Journey Method®

Are you ready to break free of the pain from your past?

Do you want to experience MORE happiness, health, freedom, & success out of life but can’t because of obstacles that sabotage your success?

Would you like to break free of burnout, limitation & self-sabotage? 

Are you finally ready to truly LOVE & HEAL your life?!

Let’s be real. There are times in everyone’s life when burnout, limitation or self-sabotage of some sort impedes one’s efforts & often, it happens at a subconscious level! This is all too common & often very detrimental to our ability to create the life of our dreams.

So WHY do we sabotage our success…?

Often, it’s not even by choice! As we go through life, we have experiences both negative & positive that shape our beliefs, behaviors, & interactions with others.

Who you are NOW is a direct correlation to the conditioning of your past experiences.

Whether you like it or not, the beliefs, behaviors, & interactions of your past & present greatly affect how you choose to handle life lessons & experiences that come your way! Unfortunately, this can show up in the form of sabotage, which can include all of the following & more!

  • Physical Exhaustion & Dis-ease
  • Financial Insecurity & Instability
  • Lack of Passion or Purpose
  • Lack of Connection to Higher Self
  • Negative, Victim-like Mindset Mentality (i.e. pessimism)
  • Unhealthy Emotional Self-Expression
  • Limiting Beliefs
  • Unhealthy Behaviors
  • Unhealthy Life Patterns
  • Phobias
  • Addictions
  • …and many, many more!

Sadly, ALL forms of sabotage keep us from embracing our GREATNESS, living in JOY, & creating the life of our dreams!

The key to eliminating this sabotage (at a cellular level!)is to take PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY for your emotional, physical, mental, spiritual, & financial health.

In other words… SELF-CARE.

This is why the Freedom sessions along with the forward-moving Self-Care & Soul Guidance Sessions I offer is such a great way to break free from the sabotage that holds YOU back!

You’ll get support in taking better care of yourself AND be able to free yourself of the blocks & limitations that sabotage you the most at a cellular level!

Wouldn’t it be amazing if you could really become the master of your fate & your destiny? What would it be like to master your mindset AND your life?

Well, it’s absolutely possible!

AND that being said… it’s a LOT easier to attain self-mastery when you release what’s no longer serving you first. This is so that you can make room for the new & improved you that you’re trying to create and it’s also is where the science and power of a Freedom Session is critical for your success!

The Science Behind Sabotage

Dr. Candace Pert, a well-known author of Molecules of Emotion & cellular biologist, discovered that whenever we have an intense, powerful emotion that we repress or shut down, specific chemical changes take place in our bodies. These changes can affect certain cell receptors, blocking those cells from communicating with the other cells in our bodies & increasing the likelihood for disease to occur.

Supporting evidence has also been found by Deepak Chopra, M.D. & author of Quantum Healing, who believes that as cells regenerate, cellular memory gets carried into each new generation of cells. If there is a negative life experience that was not resolved or dealt with in a healthy way, the negative imprint in that cellular memory CAN lead to emotional & physical dis-ease in the body over time. It can also put into place the self-sabotage behaviors we engage in to handle many of life’s challenges.

Sabotage & the Law of Attraction

From a quantum physics standpoint, everything is made up of energy. Since the human body is also made up of energy, the frequency we vibrate at varies based on our physical, mental, & emotional state, leading to the attraction of both positive & negative life experiences. The most powerful forms of energy & vibration are our thoughts, feelings, spoken word, & written word so what we think, feel, say, & write in every moment… we become. This has become known as the Law of Attraction.

Our emotional state is a powerful indicator of where we are energetically (or vibrationally) & can be a powerful predictor for what we ultimately attract into our lives. Looking at your own life, consider the following contrasting situations:

  • Pessimists think, feel, speak, & write negatively, creating a reality that brings them more negative life experiences.
  • Optimists think, feel, speak, & write positively, creating a reality that brings them more positive life experiences

One of the key elements to the Law of Attraction working in your favor is to raise your vibrational energy by releasing the conditioning, programming, and patterns that sabotage your success. This will result in the POSITIVE attraction & manifestation of ALL forms of abundance!

So… what’s the sabotage solution?

The Journey Method

Journey LogoA very POWERFUL form of emotional release work through guided meditation, the The Journey Method® was created by a woman named Brandon Bays, who actually healed herself of a tumor the size of a basketball using this work!

The The Journey Method® works at a cellular level, releasing cellular memory from painful experiences in our past.

The experiences that we hold onto or feel pain around are the very memories that put into place any negative emotions, thoughts, beliefs, behaviors, & reactions we exhibit in our present moment.

The key to clearing out these sabotage patterns is to revisit those past experiences in a NEW, healthier way – to gain clarity, wisdom, gratitude, & forgiveness of all that happened so that you can move on & heal you life once & for all!

Want to hear other powerful stories of how sabotage was turned into success?

To hear Brandon Bays’ personal story of miraculous healing & hear from SO many others how this work has been profoundly healing, check out the following videos:

Brandon Bays Interview:

Other Journey Testimonials:

Curious to know more about how I work with my clients?!

To learn more about how I can help with a private 1:1 coaching & support program, click HERE to see a list of the various Self-Care for the Soul Programs that are available for you to choose from when you decide to say YES! to YOU! 🙂