How I Recovered From Perfectionism

Would you consider yourself a perfectionist?

I know of many times throughout life where I was struggling with perfectionism and you know what?

It’s been my experience that MANY of us struggle with the “perfectionist” mentality in our day-to-day lives!

Why?

I believe this tendency towards perfectionism is something we’re taught through familial & social programming, upbringing, & conditioning.Perfectionist Scale

And ultimately, what drives it all is a deep seated core fear or avoidance that will sabotage & play out in your life over & over again until you resolve this core fear at a cellular level.

For myself personally, it was my lonely childhood & high-pressure corporate background that taught me how to be my own worst critic. I can recall many times throughout my life where my toxic self-talk & judgment of myself or others over not meeting the high standards I used to set would sabotage my life & set me up for failure.

In a nutshell, it limited my greatness & it wasn’t until I started to heal the underlying core fear associated with perfectionism that it changed!

For many of my clients over the years, I’ve also seen the disintegrated side of perfectionism result in unhealthy behaviors (i.e. obsessive-compulsiveness, work-aholism to get things just “right”, closed-mindedness, hyper-judgmental etc…) that limit their greatness & won’t change until the root core fear is addressed & resolved.

So what does perfectionism really look like?

According to the Enneagram personality system that I’ve used to help clients discover their biggest core fears & behaviors over the past 10 years, perfectionism typically shows up in the following ways:

  • The “Internal critic” experienced as a constant stream of self-critical thoughts.
  • Judgment of self & others from constant comparison to an external standard of right/wrong against which everything is measured.
  • Attached to rules; resentful of any deviation to those rules by others.
  • Having an air of ethical and moral superiority; comes from their own drive for self-improvement.
  • Often perceived as a crusader, self-righteous, “do-gooder”.
  • Task oriented with an extreme preoccupation with work: “I can only play when the work is done and it’s never done”.
  • Detail-oriented, methodical, rigid in one’s thinking.
  • Quest is to be loved unconditionally, but they never attain it, never feel “enough”.
  • Feeling flawed inside, so critical of others in order to equalize – “I’m not good so I’ll focus on doing good things.”
  • Very self-controlled; cut off impulses and go to head to figure things out but are really “gut people masquerading as head people”.
  • Suffers from procrastination due to fear of making a mistake.
  • “Things are perfect when I am met, in all ways, by others.”
  • Tend to be black and white in thinking.

Does any of these apply to YOU??

If the answer is yes, you might be wondering how to recover from perfectionism.

The solution?

To resolve & heal the deep seated core fear or avoidance that drives the behavior & discover the growth path for becoming your very own hero!

According to the Enneagram model, the basic underlying core fear or avoidance that drive the Perfectionist behavior boils down basically to:

A deep-seated fear of being corrupt, evil, bad, or defective.

So you see… the behavior arises from the fear.

In order to be deemed as “good” or “right” by others, perfectionists will be ultra-focused on perfection, detail-oriented to the point of obsession (at times) & judgmental as a result of the high standards they hold for themselves. All to avoid being any of what they fear at a cellular level.

So what’s the growth path to help someone struggling with these fears & compulsions?

According to the Enneagram model, here are just a few ideas for growth:

  • Release judgment & the idea you can judge objectively.
  • Learn to see perfection in the moment, in the imperfection.
  • Reduce the dominance of your critical mind.
  • Get out of your mind and into your heart & gut.
  • Learn more than one “right” way, learn to see all sides (i.e. open-mindedness)
  • Get “messy”; lighten up, play and have fun.
  • Find, acknowledge, & heal your “dark side”.
  • Discover, acknowledge & fulfill your passionate desires.

In addition to incorporating any of the above, it can also be helpful to find a practitioner who can help you resolve at the root level the cellular memory associated with any of the deep-seated core fears that sabotage your life!

My favorite by far is a well-known healing modality known as The Journey Method® which has helped to heal thousands of people around the world & is something I’ve used to help clients break free of self-sabotage & accelerate their results since 2007.

Regardless of which of these options you choose, working WITH your fear (rather than against it) to heal & resolve past trauma is the key!

After all, what you resist, persists. 🙂


Jess Bonasso, otherwise known as The Self Care Goddess, helps busy, high-reaching super heroes struggling to juggle it all break-free of the sabotage that leads to burnout & re-ignite their radiance without sacrificing their soul, sanity, or health!

Are you ready to become your very own hero?

For more information, click HERE to learn about Jess OR HERE to apply for & schedule a COMPLIMENTARY* Discovery Consult!

To receive daily inspiration on how to break free from burnout & re-ignite your radiance, be sure to follow me on social media! 🙂

 

The Journey Method®

Are you ready to break free of the unresolved saboteurs that sabotage your greatness & cause you to sacrifice your soul, sanity, or health?

Does emotional drama, heart ache, or heart break lead you to burnout or hold YOU back in life?

Let’s be real. There are times in everyone’s life when unresolved saboteurs impedes one’s efforts & often, it happens unconsciously! This is all too common & often very detrimental to our ability to deal with everyday stressors or create the life of our dreams.

So WHY do we unconsciously sabotage our success…?

The Problem

Often, the reason we sabotage ourselves is not even by choice! As we go through life, we have experiences both negative & positive that unconsciously shape our beliefs, behaviors, & interactions with others.

Who you are NOW is a direct correlation to the conditioning of your past experiences.

Whether you like it or not, unconscious conditioning, beliefs, behaviors, interactions, & trauma of both your past AND present can greatly affect how you choose to handle life lessons & experiences that come your way!

If left unconscious & unaddressed, this kind of programming can begin to show up in one or more of the following ways:

  • Chronic Stress & Anxiety (physical, mental, & emotional)
  • Panic Attacks/Phobias 
  • Deep-Seated Fears (not being good enough, a failure, success, unlovability, abandonment, rejection, not being smart enough, not being unique/just like everyone else, safety, not being supported, vulnerability, conflict, etc…)
  • Limiting Beliefs (deep-seated beliefs that come from programming & conditioning
  • Bad Habits (procrastination, addictive behaviors, distractions, obsessive compulsive behaviors, etc…)
  • Unhealthy Vows (deep-seated beliefs that make you feel you can NEVER be/do/have/achieve what you desire)
  • Toxic Thoughts (Failure Mentality, Victim Mentality, Scarcity/Lack Mentality, suicidal)
  • Deadly Emotions (depression, sadness, stress, anger, rage, resentment, overwhelm, shame, guilt, etc…)
  • Physical Health Dis-ease (digestive issues, organ dysfunction, exhaustion/fatigue, ADD/ADHD, cancer, tumors, tension, degeneration, etc..)
  • Chronic Stress or Overwhelm (over-commitment, hyper-sensitivity, hyper-vigilance, hyper-distracted, etc…)
  • Addictive Behaviors (smoking, drinking, caffeine, sugar, salt, soda, fast food, social media, etc…)
  • Personality Patterns (over-critical, over-giving, over-achieving, over-dramatizing, over-withdrawal, over-analyzing, over-adventurous, over-aggressive, overly passive, etc…)
  • Blocks to Abundance (Giving/Receiving, Lack/Scarcity, Nurture/Growth)
  • Un-resolved Trauma (PTSD, physical/mental/verbal/sexual abuse, abandonment, neglect, etc…)
  • Disconnection to Higher Self (operating out of Human Animal or Human Ego behaviors)
  • …and many, many more!

Sadly, ALL forms of sabotage if left unchecked will often lead to burnout or worse… PHYSICAL DIS-EASE.

This of course prevents us from embracing our GREATNESS, living in JOY, & creating the life of our dreams!

The Solution

In order to resolve these saboteurs at a cellular level, it’s important to heal the pain of your past & recondition yourself for greatness. 

In order to do this, you will need to go through a process of radical self-discovery to identify the saboteurs that hold you back & then systematically heal & resolve these issues… at a cellular level!

From there, you’ll then need to take personal responsibility for your life by learning the art of self-care & embodied self-mastery!

This is why the The Journey Method® along with the forward-moving Self-Care for the Soul Programs I offer is such a great way to break free from anything that holds YOU back!

Not only will you be able to break free of the blocks & limitations that sabotage you at a cellular level but you’ll also receive the support & guidance you need to take better care of yourself & become your very own hero!

Wouldn’t it be amazing if you could really become the master of your fate & your destiny?

What would it be like to master your mindset AND your life?

Well, it’s absolutely possible!

The Science Behind Cellular Memory

To heal the pain of the past, you must heal & address any unresolved cellular memory patterns from your past in a way that opens the cell receptors.

Dr. Candace Pert, a well-known author of Molecules of Emotion & cellular biologist, discovered that whenever we have an intense, powerful emotion that we repress or shut down, specific chemical changes take place in our bodies. These changes can affect certain cell receptors, blocking those cells from communicating with the other cells in our bodies & increasing the likelihood for disease to occur.

Supporting evidence has also been found by Deepak Chopra, M.D. & author of Quantum Healing, who believes that as cells regenerate, cellular memory gets carried into each new generation of cells. If there is a negative life experience that was not resolved or dealt with in a healthy way, the negative imprint in that cellular memory CAN lead to emotional & physical dis-ease in the body over time. It can also put into place the self-sabotage behaviors we engage in to handle many of life’s challenges.

Opening the cell receptors in a way that heals negative trauma can often be accomplished by learning how to express your emotions, forgive, & gain wisdom from past setbacks & mistakes.

Fortunately, The Journey Method® is a wonderful tool that allows you to do just that!

The Law of Attraction

To recondition yourself for greatness, you must learn to focus your thoughts, actions, & attention in a way that empowers you (rather than disempowers you) through a natural law of the Universe known as The Law of Attraction.

Simply put, the Law of Attraction is the ability to attract into our lives whatever we are focusing on. It is believed that regardless of age, nationality or religious belief, we are all susceptible to the laws which govern the Universe, including the Law of Attraction. It is the Law of Attraction which uses the power of the mind to translate whatever is in our thoughts and materialize them into reality. In basic terms, all thoughts turn into things eventually.

From a quantum physics standpoint, everything is made up of energy. Since the human body is also made up of energy, the frequency we vibrate at varies based on our physical, mental, & emotional state, leading to the attraction of both positive & negative life experiences. The most powerful forms of energy & vibration are our thoughts, feelings, spoken word, & written word so what we think, feel, say, & write in every moment… we become. 

Our emotional state is a powerful indicator of where we are energetically (or vibrationally) & can be a powerful predictor for what we ultimately attract into our lives.

Low-vibrational emotions such as anger, fear, rage, grief, sadness, hopelessness, & despair are toxic & will make us more magnetic to negative experiences & often lead to emotional & physical dis-ease in the body.

High-vibrational emotions such as love, gratitude, joy, forgiveness, compassion, empathy, trust, faith, etc… will raise our vibration & make us more magnetic to positive experiences & have a positive effect on our health & life.

Looking at your own life, consider the following contrasting situations:

  • Pessimists think, feel, speak, act, & write from a more cynical, dis-empowered & negative place, thus creating a reality that brings them more negative life experiences.
  • Optimists think, feel, speak, act, & write from a more grateful, empowered & positive place, thus creating a reality that brings them more positive life experiences.

One of the key elements to the Law of Attraction working in your favor is to raise your vibrational energy by releasing the low-vibrational conditioning, programming, and patterns that sabotage your success.

This will result in the POSITIVE attraction & manifestation of ALL forms of abundance!

Fortunately, The Journey Method® is also a wonderful tool to help you focus your attention on the more empowered & positive aspects of your life, while raising your vibration & impacting your physical, mental, & emotional health in a positive way.

The Journey Method®

Journey LogoThe Journey Method®  is a very POWERFUL form of cellular release work accomplished through a simple, guided meditation process.

This work has been around for well over 20 years now & was created by a woman named Brandon Bays, who actually healed herself of a tumor the size of a basketball!

The Journey Method® works at a cellular level, releasing & healing cellular memory from painful experiences in our past.

It also reconditions any dis-empowering thoughts, feelings, & beliefs that might be sabotaging our success & helps us re-frame our life experiences in a way that raises our vibration & helps us evolve physically, mentally, emotionally, & spiritually!

The experiences that we hold onto or feel pain around are the very memories that put into place any negative emotions, thoughts, beliefs, behaviors, & reactions we exhibit in our present moment.

The key to clearing out these sabotage patterns is to revisit those past experiences in a NEW, healthier way so that we can gain clarity, wisdom, gratitude, & forgiveness of all that happened so that you can move on & heal you life once & for all!

How The Journey Can Help YOU:

To hear other powerful stories of healing & transformation as a result of The Journey, including Brandon Bays’ personal story of miraculous healing, my own personal success with The Journey & many others who’ve experienced profound healing as a result of this work, check out the following videos:

Brandon Bays Story:

My Personal Story:

Other Journey Testimonials:


Curious to know more about how I work with my clients?!

To learn more about how I can help with a private 1:1 coaching & support program, click HERE to see a list of the various Self-Care for the Soul Programs that are available for you to choose from when you decide to say YES! to YOU! 🙂