How I Recovered From Perfectionism

Would you consider yourself a perfectionist?

I know of many times throughout life where I was struggling with perfectionism and you know what?

It’s been my experience that MANY of us struggle with the “perfectionist” mentality in our day-to-day lives!


I believe this tendency towards perfectionism is something we’re taught through familial & social programming, upbringing, & conditioning.Perfectionist Scale

And ultimately, what drives it all is a deep seated core fear or avoidance that will sabotage & play out in your life over & over again until you resolve this core fear at a cellular level.

For myself personally, it was my lonely childhood & high-pressure corporate background that taught me how to be my own worst critic. I can recall many times throughout my life where my toxic self-talk & judgment of myself or others over not meeting the high standards I used to set would sabotage my life & set me up for failure.

In a nutshell, it limited my greatness & it wasn’t until I started to heal the underlying core fear associated with perfectionism that it changed!

For many of my clients over the years, I’ve also seen the disintegrated side of perfectionism result in unhealthy behaviors (i.e. obsessive-compulsiveness, work-aholism to get things just “right”, closed-mindedness, hyper-judgmental etc…) that limit their greatness & won’t change until the root core fear is addressed & resolved.

So what does perfectionism really look like?

According to the Enneagram personality system that I’ve used to help clients discover their biggest core fears & behaviors over the past 10 years, perfectionism typically shows up in the following ways:

  • The “Internal critic” experienced as a constant stream of self-critical thoughts.
  • Judgment of self & others from constant comparison to an external standard of right/wrong against which everything is measured.
  • Attached to rules; resentful of any deviation to those rules by others.
  • Having an air of ethical and moral superiority; comes from their own drive for self-improvement.
  • Often perceived as a crusader, self-righteous, “do-gooder”.
  • Task oriented with an extreme preoccupation with work: “I can only play when the work is done and it’s never done”.
  • Detail-oriented, methodical, rigid in one’s thinking.
  • Quest is to be loved unconditionally, but they never attain it, never feel “enough”.
  • Feeling flawed inside, so critical of others in order to equalize – “I’m not good so I’ll focus on doing good things.”
  • Very self-controlled; cut off impulses and go to head to figure things out but are really “gut people masquerading as head people”.
  • Suffers from procrastination due to fear of making a mistake.
  • “Things are perfect when I am met, in all ways, by others.”
  • Tend to be black and white in thinking.

Does any of these apply to YOU??

If the answer is yes, you might be wondering how to recover from perfectionism.

The solution?

To resolve & heal the deep seated core fear or avoidance that drives the behavior & discover the growth path for becoming your very own hero!

According to the Enneagram model, the basic underlying core fear or avoidance that drive the Perfectionist behavior boils down basically to:

A deep-seated fear of being corrupt, evil, bad, or defective.

So you see… the behavior arises from the fear.

In order to be deemed as “good” or “right” by others, perfectionists will be ultra-focused on perfection, detail-oriented to the point of obsession (at times) & judgmental as a result of the high standards they hold for themselves. All to avoid being any of what they fear at a cellular level.

So what’s the growth path to help someone struggling with these fears & compulsions?

According to the Enneagram model, here are just a few ideas for growth:

  • Release judgment & the idea you can judge objectively.
  • Learn to see perfection in the moment, in the imperfection.
  • Reduce the dominance of your critical mind.
  • Get out of your mind and into your heart & gut.
  • Learn more than one “right” way, learn to see all sides (i.e. open-mindedness)
  • Get “messy”; lighten up, play and have fun.
  • Find, acknowledge, & heal your “dark side”.
  • Discover, acknowledge & fulfill your passionate desires.

In addition to incorporating any of the above, it can also be helpful to find a practitioner who can help you resolve at the root level the cellular memory associated with any of the deep-seated core fears that sabotage your life!

My favorite by far is a well-known healing modality known as The Journey Method® which has helped to heal thousands of people around the world & is something I’ve used to help clients break free of self-sabotage & accelerate their results since 2007.

Regardless of which of these options you choose, working WITH your fear (rather than against it) to heal & resolve past trauma is the key!

After all, what you resist, persists. 🙂

Jess Bonasso, otherwise known as The Self Care Goddess, helps busy, high-reaching super heroes struggling to juggle it all break-free of the sabotage that leads to burnout & re-ignite their radiance without sacrificing their soul, sanity, or health!

Are you ready to become your very own hero?

For more information, click HERE to learn about Jess OR HERE to apply for & schedule a COMPLIMENTARY* Discovery Consult!

To receive daily inspiration on how to break free from burnout & re-ignite your radiance, be sure to follow me on social media! 🙂


How to Free Yourself From Fear

This month’s Self-Mastery Spotlight is on how to free yourself from fear!

In a previous article I spoke about The 7 Fears That Sabotage Your Life, which is great for helping you become aware of what holds you back!

That being said, knowing the fears that hold you back is NOT the same as knowing how to FREE yourself from those fears, which is why I put together today’s video blog!

Wouldn’t it be great if you had a method you could use to not only FREE yourself of FEAR but of ANY dis-empowering emotion that might arise?

Wouldn’t this make YOUR life easier?!! Of course it would.

As many of you know, I’m an avid fan and deep seeker of personal growth and I’ve learned a few tricks over the years for reconditioning fear into freedom.

To assist you in discovering and understanding how to free yourself from fear, I’ve put together this short 5 minute video to share my thoughts on a very simple 3-part approach for transforming FEAR into FREEDOM.

To watch, simply click on the video link below:

And, if after practicing this approach in the weeks ahead you still find yourself fixated & focusing on FEAR, call me to schedule a *COMPLIMENTARY* Self Care Wellness Consult so that you can learn how I can help you release that fear… at a cellular level!

Jess Smiling

En-JOY & have an amazing rest of your week! 🙂

Jess Signature

The Self Care Goddess


…empowering YOU to LOVE yourself & your life!

P.S. Would you like to experience working with me in person? Check out one my upcoming personal development events, essential oils workshops, or yoga classes below! 🙂

OR, you can also schedule a *COMPLIMENTARY* Self Care Wellness Consult by calling me directly at 720-333-6796.

P.S.S. Do you want to receive daily inspiration on how to LOVE yourself AND your life? Be sure to follow me! 🙂

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The 7 Fears That Sabotage Your Life

Do YOU ever struggle with panic or fear?

I’m not talking about the kind of fear that kicks in when your life is in danger but rather, the kind of fear that comes from your thoughts, your beliefs, and the conditioning you’ve received over the years?

I know I have!

PANICSadly, I was oblivious to this fact for the first 35 years of life and I unintentionally let fear drive many of actions, words, and thoughts. In fact, I believe it played a part in the chronic pain I experienced for well over 10 years!

Several years ago, as part of my Journey accreditation program,  I attended a week-long, silent, healing retreat to identify and release the ego fixations that held me back. It was there that I clearly realized for the first time ever that my biggest ego fixation was fear around safety and security.

Once I learned this about myself, it WOKE me up!

For the first time, I saw clearly how this pattern had been showing up and running (and ruining) most of my life in the form of anxiety, doubt, worry, and second-guessing of anything that might affect my safety and security.

This revelation was enlightening AND at the same time, terrifying.

Why? Because I realized in that moment that it was MY dis-empowering thoughts, beliefs, and conditioning that had been dictating my emotional reactions (AND my reality) for so long!

In a flash I realized I could no longer play the victim card and blame others for my unhappiness. In order to transform that fear, I had to take control of my life and make a commitment to my personal growth and evolution.

As a result of that commitment, I’ve learned a lot about fear!

Since that unconscious time in my life, I’ve learned the various types of fear AND I’ve learned how to to embrace, learn from, and be-friend my own fears.  🙂

And although I still have moments where anxiety, doubt, worry, and second-guessing come up, I can now more easily recognize & release those fears. I’ve also become more skilled and adept at transforming fear into an empowering reaction and feelings of trust, faith, courage, and security.

So what are the fears that hold YOU back? 🙂

One of my favorite authors, Napoleon Hill, believed that the 7 basic fears in life are as follows:

  1. Fear of poverty
  2. Fear of criticism (or rejection)
  3. Fear of ill health
  4. Fear of loss of love (or abandonment)
  5. Fear of the loss of liberty (or freedom)
  6. Fear of old age
  7. Fear of death

So how can awareness of these fears be of benefit to YOU personally?

Well, let’s find out!

For each of the above fears, do the following:

  1. Write down all the life scenarios where this fear played itself out for you.
  2. Review the scenarios and answer the following question… what has this fear COST you?
  3. Review the scenarios again and answer the following question… what are the benefits you’ll receive if you could release your attachment to this fear?

My guess is that your answers to the above questions will enlighten you! Not only that but they’ll provide you with awareness of what you want AND don’t want so that you have a clearer vision of where you’re going and what’s stopping you.

So, whenever these fears arise going forward, simply put in place the following:

  1. Identify what’s driving the fear.
  2. Briefly feel & experience the fear fully.
  3. Re-direct & focus your attention on the benefits of what you REALLY desire.
  4. Take ONE small action or step toward what you REALLY desire until it shifts your energy & lifts your spirits.

With enough practice and persistence, it will become easier over time to release the fear itself and re-focus your attention to what you REALLY desire! It could even help you handle other dis-empowering emotions with more ease and grace. 🙂

Give this a shot, en-JOY the journey, & report back to me with your progress!