The Secret to Overcoming Self-Sacrifice

Do you struggle with over-giving to others to the point of resentment?

Does helping others make you feel needed & necessary?

Do you feel angry when the gifts that you give are not reciprocated?

If you answered YES to any of these questions, you might be struggling with the self-sabotaging tendencies & fixations of a personality style on the Enneagram known as the “Giver” or “Helper”.

In my last newsletter, I talked about how I overcame perfectionism (which is also a personality style on the Enneagram, a system that I use to help my clients understand the underlying root cause of their thoughts & behaviors).

In addition to overcoming perfectionistic tendencies that used to sabotage me in the past, I’ve also struggled with the self-sabotaging pitfalls of the Giver/Helper.

So what are the defining pitfalls & traits of the Giver/Helper?

According to the Enneagram, this particular personality style typically shows up in the following ways (most of which is often unconscious):

  • Lack of self-identity because they define themselves by what they do for others & by their roles instead of their true feelings.
  • Multiple selves or “chameleons”, adapting to the needs of others in order to be connected. Classic co-dependent.
  • Struggle for personal freedom because they’re controlled by other’s needs; dependency on others will be an issue.
  • Spends all their energy gaining approval and avoiding rejection.
  • Giving is often unconsciously manipulative – they give to get.
  • Over-giving & then angry when it is not reciprocated.
  • Playing the martyr by packaging hostility as love.
  • Hysteria/panic when their own real needs surface & collide with the needs of others.
  • Their need for appreciation turns into a need for approval
  • Matchmaking and networking people
  • An overwhelming need to respond to others & have others respond to them
  • Overemphasis on positive feelings toward others
  • Extremely focused on making oneself needed & necessary

Does any of these apply to YOU??

If the answer is yes, you might be wondering… what’s the secret to overcoming the self-sacrifice that sabotages my life?

The secret is to resolve & heal the deep seated core fear or avoidance that drives the behavior & discover the growth path for becoming your very own hero!

According to the Enneagram model, the basic underlying core fear or avoidance that drive the Perfectionist behavior boils down basically to:

A deep-seated fear of being unloveable, unappreciated, unneeded, abandoned, or rejected.

So you see… the behavior of self-sacrifice arises from the deep-seated fear.

In order to be deemed as “loveable” or “needed” by others, the Giver/Helper will be ultra-focused on helping, giving, & pleasing others in the hopes that their efforts will be rewarded with love, appreciation, & acknowledgement of the gifts they give. THIS is what makes them feel loved & sadly, this is what they struggle providing themselves with, which is where the tendency to be co-dependent rears it’s ugly head!

So what’s the secret to overcoming self-sacrifice?

According to the Enneagram model, here are just a few ideas to help someone struggling with these fears & compulsions:

  • Give up the need (addiction) to live through significant others.
  • Identify and express own needs and feelings.
  • Spend time alone to appreciate yourself apart from others.
  • Utilize anger and panic as a signal of your own needs.
  • Learn to love all instead of a select few.
  • Learn to receive (both from yourself & from others!).
  • Resist the urge to pull others in by flattery and recognize that the need to retaliate is caused by hurt pride.
  • Develop a consistent self that does not alter to please others.

In a nutshell, the overall secret is to learn how to take care of YOU first instead of everyone else at the expense of your soul, sanity, & health.

In addition to incorporating any of the above recommended growth paths, it can also be helpful to find a practitioner who can help you resolve at the root level the cellular memory associated with any of the deep-seated core fears that sabotage your life!

My favorite by far is a well-known healing modality known as The Journey Method® which has helped to heal thousands of people around the world & is something I’ve used to help clients break free of self-sabotage & accelerate their results since 2007.

Regardless of which of these options you choose, working WITH your fear (rather than against it) to heal & resolve past trauma is the key!

After all, what you resist, persists. 🙂


Jess Bonasso, otherwise known as The Self Care Goddess, helps busy, high-reaching super heroes struggling to juggle it all break-free of the sabotage that leads to burnout & re-ignite their radiance without sacrificing their soul, sanity, or health!

Are you ready to become your very own hero?

For more information, click HERE to learn about Jess OR HERE to apply for & schedule a COMPLIMENTARY* Discovery Consult!

To receive daily inspiration on how to break free from burnout & re-ignite your radiance, be sure to follow me on social media! 🙂

 

How I Recovered From Perfectionism

Would you consider yourself a perfectionist?

I know of many times throughout life where I was struggling with perfectionism and you know what?

It’s been my experience that MANY of us struggle with the “perfectionist” mentality in our day-to-day lives!

Why?

I believe this tendency towards perfectionism is something we’re taught through familial & social programming, upbringing, & conditioning.Perfectionist Scale

And ultimately, what drives it all is a deep seated core fear or avoidance that will sabotage & play out in your life over & over again until you resolve this core fear at a cellular level.

For myself personally, it was my lonely childhood & high-pressure corporate background that taught me how to be my own worst critic. I can recall many times throughout my life where my toxic self-talk & judgment of myself or others over not meeting the high standards I used to set would sabotage my life & set me up for failure.

In a nutshell, it limited my greatness & it wasn’t until I started to heal the underlying core fear associated with perfectionism that it changed!

For many of my clients over the years, I’ve also seen the disintegrated side of perfectionism result in unhealthy behaviors (i.e. obsessive-compulsiveness, work-aholism to get things just “right”, closed-mindedness, hyper-judgmental etc…) that limit their greatness & won’t change until the root core fear is addressed & resolved.

So what does perfectionism really look like?

According to the Enneagram personality system that I’ve used to help clients discover their biggest core fears & behaviors over the past 10 years, perfectionism typically shows up in the following ways:

  • The “Internal critic” experienced as a constant stream of self-critical thoughts.
  • Judgment of self & others from constant comparison to an external standard of right/wrong against which everything is measured.
  • Attached to rules; resentful of any deviation to those rules by others.
  • Having an air of ethical and moral superiority; comes from their own drive for self-improvement.
  • Often perceived as a crusader, self-righteous, “do-gooder”.
  • Task oriented with an extreme preoccupation with work: “I can only play when the work is done and it’s never done”.
  • Detail-oriented, methodical, rigid in one’s thinking.
  • Quest is to be loved unconditionally, but they never attain it, never feel “enough”.
  • Feeling flawed inside, so critical of others in order to equalize – “I’m not good so I’ll focus on doing good things.”
  • Very self-controlled; cut off impulses and go to head to figure things out but are really “gut people masquerading as head people”.
  • Suffers from procrastination due to fear of making a mistake.
  • “Things are perfect when I am met, in all ways, by others.”
  • Tend to be black and white in thinking.

Does any of these apply to YOU??

If the answer is yes, you might be wondering how to recover from perfectionism.

The solution?

To resolve & heal the deep seated core fear or avoidance that drives the behavior & discover the growth path for becoming your very own hero!

According to the Enneagram model, the basic underlying core fear or avoidance that drive the Perfectionist behavior boils down basically to:

A deep-seated fear of being corrupt, evil, bad, or defective.

So you see… the behavior arises from the fear.

In order to be deemed as “good” or “right” by others, perfectionists will be ultra-focused on perfection, detail-oriented to the point of obsession (at times) & judgmental as a result of the high standards they hold for themselves. All to avoid being any of what they fear at a cellular level.

So what’s the growth path to help someone struggling with these fears & compulsions?

According to the Enneagram model, here are just a few ideas for growth:

  • Release judgment & the idea you can judge objectively.
  • Learn to see perfection in the moment, in the imperfection.
  • Reduce the dominance of your critical mind.
  • Get out of your mind and into your heart & gut.
  • Learn more than one “right” way, learn to see all sides (i.e. open-mindedness)
  • Get “messy”; lighten up, play and have fun.
  • Find, acknowledge, & heal your “dark side”.
  • Discover, acknowledge & fulfill your passionate desires.

In addition to incorporating any of the above, it can also be helpful to find a practitioner who can help you resolve at the root level the cellular memory associated with any of the deep-seated core fears that sabotage your life!

My favorite by far is a well-known healing modality known as The Journey Method® which has helped to heal thousands of people around the world & is something I’ve used to help clients break free of self-sabotage & accelerate their results since 2007.

Regardless of which of these options you choose, working WITH your fear (rather than against it) to heal & resolve past trauma is the key!

After all, what you resist, persists. 🙂


Jess Bonasso, otherwise known as The Self Care Goddess, helps busy, high-reaching super heroes struggling to juggle it all break-free of the sabotage that leads to burnout & re-ignite their radiance without sacrificing their soul, sanity, or health!

Are you ready to become your very own hero?

For more information, click HERE to learn about Jess OR HERE to apply for & schedule a COMPLIMENTARY* Discovery Consult!

To receive daily inspiration on how to break free from burnout & re-ignite your radiance, be sure to follow me on social media! 🙂

 

How to Know When It’s Time for a Self-Care Tune-Up

Do you struggle often with physical pain? Mental worries, stress, or strife? Emotional unhappiness & discontent? 

Its-Tune-Up-TimeAs you probably already know, the foundation of a good life is good health.

While the concept of self-care can be applied to all areas of your life – career, spiritual well-being, relationships, and so on – what supports each of these areas is the care you provide for the amazing physical body & vehicle that takes you through life.

So how do you know when it’s time for a self-care tune-up?

First of all, let me just say that I believe deeply our body is a barometer for our soul.

Did you know emotional issues that go unaddressed over time can lead to physical issues and even chronic disease in the body?

For example, I’ve suffered on and off throughout my life with chronic low back pain.

According to Louise Hay, the author of You Can Heal Your Life, low back pain is associated with not feeling financially supported. AND, interestingly enough most of my childhood was spent without running water or electricity. I learned at an early age what it felt like to not feel financially supported and even today, if money is becomes “tight”, my low back flares up!

Can you see now how the health of our physical body can actually be a barometer for our emotional and mental state?

Conversely, if you’re experiencing chronic shame, guilt, depression, anger, or emotional discontent MORE than you are not (i.e. 50% or more of the time), it could be an indicator that something’s amiss and needs to be addressed in your life!

To identify if your body is in need of a tune-up, here are a few simple questions you can ask yourself which will help you take stock of your health and what you’re in need of:

  1. Is there a health-related issue that you’re concerned about?
  2. Is there something about your physical appearance that you feel self-conscious about?
  3. Are you experiencing chronic emotional unhappiness (i.e. more than 50% of the time)?
  4. Do you feel regularly feel foggy, exhausted, & unable to focus or concentrate?
  5. Are you in conflict regularly with others?
  6. Are you having a hard time staying positive & upbeat?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, it’s time for a self-care tune-up! 🙂

So now that you’ve identified if it’s time for a tune-up, here are just a few tips that you can follow for tuning up your life:

  1. Take Charge of Your Health: The only person that can change how you feel is YOU & that starts with taking responsibility for the choices that will positively impact your health.
  2. Listen to Your Body: Pay attention & heed any physical or emotional warnings that your physical or emotional body is giving you. Go inward & reflect on what you really need. Ignoring what’s wrong will only make it worse!
  3. Choose Health Partners To Support You: Find a health practitioner, massage therapist, nutritionist, counselor, coach, or someone who specializes in what you’re struggling with. It’s important to find & build the right support team to help you transform!
  4. Find the Right Emotional Support: Reach out to trusted friends & loved ones for love & support. It’s important not to isolate & do things on your own!
  5. Get Plenty of Downtime & Rest: Make sure that you’re getting plenty of rest each night AND that you’re taking regular & consistent time in your schedule for downtime and time away from your everyday stressors. As you know, all work & no play makes Jack & Jill a dull boy or girl!
  6. Eat Right & Exercise: Make sure that you are nourishing your body with high quality, healthy food & regular exercise. Your body needs fuel to keep your life force energy & fire stoked!
  7. Foster Your Creativity: Artistic & creative pursuits are a great way to foster deeper self-expression & can be incredibly healing!
  8. Make Time for Fun: Engage in hobbies & activities just for fun. In order to live a fulfilling life, fun needs to be a priority!

These are just a few ideas to get you started but the most important one is #1!

If you aren’t willing to take charge of your health and do what it takes to fine-tune your body, mind, & spirit, it’s likely nothing will change.

And imagine… if nothing changes, what will your life be like a year from now? Five years from now? Ten years from now? Probably not great.

So take back control of your life and make yourself a priority once again! You’re worth it. 🙂


Jess Bonasso, otherwise known as The Self Care Goddess, empowers others to break free from limitation & set themselves free!

Are you ready to be your very own hero?

For more information, click HERE to learn about Jess OR call 720-333-6796 TODAY to schedule a *COMPLIMENTARY* Self Care Wellness Consult!

To receive daily inspiration on how to love your SELF, your HEALTH, and your LIFE, be sure to follow Jess on social media! 🙂

Like us on Facebook View our profile on LinkedIn Follow us on TwitterView our videos on YouTube

 

 

 

How to Heal Your Life & Set Yourself Free!

Transformation Hands_ButterflyHave you ever felt deprived of the change, happiness, freedom, & success you desire?

Wouldn’t it be great if you could end this cycle of deprivation once and for all?

The first thing that needs to happen is to become clear on WHAT exactly you are feeling deprived of.

For example, what items from the list below are you deprived of?

  • Sleep
  • Emotional support
  • Time to yourself
  • Physical energy
  • Companionship
  • Peace
  • Hope
  • Touch

Another way to determine areas of your life where you may be feeling deprived is to consider the following

  • On a scale of 1-10 (with 10 being extraordinarily happy), what rating would you give to your current level of happiness?
  • What’s needed to fill in what’s missing?

Your responses to the exercise above is what you’re deprived of!

At this point, simply prioritize and determine what area of your life you’d like to fill in first. You now have clarity on where you are now AND a goal or intention for change!

From here, it’s time to create and implement a self-care ritual that will allow you to begin taking steps to fill in what’s missing. For example, if I am missing physical energy in my life there are a number of actions I could take, such as:

  • Eat organic healthy fruits, vegetables, & grass-fed meat that heals my body & increases my physical energy
  • Exercise more and regularly
  • Schedule consistent downtime
  • Load balance energy-fueling & energy-draining tasks in my calendar
  • Set better boundaries with myself & others
  • Sleep at least 8 hours/night
  • etc….

The most important part of taking action is to practice your self-care regularly and consistently so that you can eventually reach the point of self-mastery. This is the point where you’ve set yourself free & become your very own hero!

AND, if blocks or limitations are preventing you from taking regular and consistent action, either reach out and ask for support or commit yourself to growth. Surround yourself with positive people who uplift and inspire you. Hire a coach. See a therapist. Face and transform your darkness. Learn how to let go of the past. Practice forgiving yourself and others. Learn new skills.

Just remember, take small actions and steps until you can increase your confidence and improve your competency. Over time, this will build up momentum and help you create repeatable change in your life in a way that seems simple and easy!

Are you willing to ask for, work toward, and receive what’s currently missing for you so that you can set yourself free & heal your life? 🙂


Jess Bonasso, otherwise known as The Self Care Goddess, empowers others to break free from limitation & set themselves free!

Are you ready to be your very own hero?

For more information, click HERE to learn about Jess OR call 720-333-6796 TODAY to schedule a *COMPLIMENTARY* Self Care Wellness Consult!

To receive daily inspiration on how to love your SELF, your HEALTH, and your LIFE, be sure to follow Jess on social media! 🙂

Like us on Facebook View our profile on LinkedIn Follow us on TwitterView our videos on YouTube

Why Self-Care is Better for You Than Self-Discipline

Have you ever struggled with the self-discipline it takes to create the happiness and success you desire?

Why is that?

I have a theory about why self-discipline is so challenging and it’s related to the conditioning and beliefs we’ve developed as a culture around what the word “self-discipline” actually means.

Consider for a moment the following definition of the word “self-discipline”:

self-discipline – n. discipline and training of oneself, usually for improvement

Typically, the words “discipline” and “training” tend to be more masculine in nature, which means any action taken is going to require focus, attention, effort and maybe even some good old “hard work”. For some, it may also mean that it will feel more like something that “has” to be done (i.e. obligation) vs. something that “wants” to be done (i.e. desire).

When trying to create change in your life, do these qualities sound like a “joyful or fun” experience to you?

From a mindset perspective, not really.

So why is self-care better for you than self-discipline…?

In a nutshell, here’s why. First, consider now the definition of the word “self-care”:

self-care – n. care of the self without medical or other professional consultation

Don’t you agree that “care of the self” tends to sound more loving and nurturing in nature?

Of course it does!

And although there may still be self-discipline and effort involved in learning how to “care for yourself” on your own, consider how empowering it is to overcome obstacles that hold you back without the help from outside sources! Not only that, but “self-care” comes from a place of desire vs. obligation, which means the energy that drives your actions will be much more feminine in nature (i.e. loving, gentle, nurturing, and desiring).

So when it comes time to create change in your life would you rather create from a place of self-discipline or self-care? 🙂

For me, I’ve found that choosing “self-care” rituals to create what I desire in life feels like less effort, is far more enjoyable, and way more effective than creating actions based on “self-discipline”.


Jess Bonasso, otherwise known as The Self Care Goddess, empowers others to love their self, health, & life through radical self-love, radiant self-care, & empowered self-mastery!

Are you ready to be your very own hero?

For more information, click HERE to learn about Jess OR call 720-333-6796 TODAY to schedule a *COMPLIMENTARY* Self Care Wellness Consult!

To receive daily inspiration on how to LOVE your SELF, your HEALTH, and your LIFE, be sure to follow me on social media! 🙂

Like us on Facebook View our profile on LinkedIn Follow us on TwitterView our videos on YouTube

How to Be Your Very Own Hero

Wonder WomanHave you ever felt stuck & unable to create the change, happiness, & success you desire?

Wouldn’t it be great if you had a simple & proven formula for success that allowed you to break free from barriers & become your very own hero?

Would that be of benefit to you? Of course it would. 🙂

By nature, humans are hard-wired to learn through the experiences we go through, whether those experiences are good or bad. Repetition & consistency of ANYTHING we are exposed to over time shapes our reactions & responses to life!

So what if you had a systematic, repeatable approach that allowed you to gain true mastery over yourself and accomplish anything you desire?

Believe it or not, creating change in your life CAN be systematic if you understand how humans gain confidence & self-mastery.

A couple of years ago, I was exposed for the first time to a concept that made me realize with certainty that I could literally accomplish ANYTHING I desire.

The concept I’m referring to is not a new concept, but it’s a large part of the systematic approach I take with myself and with clients to help them create real, lasting change in their life!

In a nutshell, the concept is simple – in order for us to master anything in life, there are levels of competency we must go through or attain to mastery.

These levels of competency are as follows:

  1. Unconscious Incompetence: Otherwise known as ignorance (i.e. not knowing what we don’t know) this is when you are operating from a place of unconsciousness in some area of your life. This could be an area that’s not serving you OR an area you’ve never explored before.
  2. Conscious Incompetence: This represents the point at which you become consciously aware of either what’s not working OR what you need to learn/create in order to become competent.
  3. Conscious Competence: This level of competence represents the steps, actions, & rituals you are undertaking to become competent in a certain area of your life. *NOTE: Repetitious & consistent practice is necessary at this level to get to the next level!
  4. Unconscious Competence: This is the point where you are now so competent that you can do whatever you’ve been practicing without even thinking about it. In other words, it’s now a habit (vs. a ritual that requires effort & intention).

Here’s the good news! Every single one of us has experienced these levels first-hand in life many time over. 🙂

For example, think of something that you know how to do VERY well.

You probably weren’t the master in that area coming right out of the gate! In the beginning, you stumbled. You made mistakes. You course-corrected. And you had to practice (a lot!) to get to a point where you felt you could do it without even thinking about it.

THIS is the process by which we gain confidence & self-mastery.

So how can YOU become your very own hero?

Simply follow these steps to increase competency, confidence, & self-mastery in your life:

  1. Choose an area of your life that you’d like to change & identify what you need to be, do, or learn in order to become more competent (Conscious Incompetence).
  2. Consider the steps, actions, or rituals that will increase your competency & implement the #1 thing you can do that will increase your competency (Conscious Competence).
  3. Repeat this process over & over again (with self-assessment along the way!) until you feel completely competent in that area (Unconscious Competence).

And voila! A systematic approach for creating change in ANY area of your life. 🙂

Over time & with practice, you’ll be able to apply this systematic approach to anything you want to change or bring into your life.

If along the way you need help removing an obstacle or getting clarity on what the steps, actions, or rituals will be to take you where you want to go, ask for help. Hire a coach. Practice self-growth & discovery. Do whatever it takes to bridge the gap between incompetence & competence!

WHY?

Because this is the path of the hero & it is here where you will learn true self-mastery. 🙂


Jess Bonasso, otherwise known as The Self Care Goddess, empowers others to love their self, health, & life through radical self-love, radiant self-care, & empowered self-mastery!

Are you ready to be your very own hero?

For more information, click HERE to learn about Jess OR call 720-333-6796 TODAY to schedule a *COMPLIMENTARY* Self Care Wellness Consult!

To receive daily inspiration on how to LOVE your SELF, your HEALTH, and your LIFE, be sure to follow me on social media! 🙂

Like us on Facebook View our profile on LinkedIn Follow us on TwitterView our videos on YouTube

 

6 Simple Ways to Cultivate Gratitude & Banish Stress

Gratitude 3Have you ever noticed that some people seem to have a positive attitude regardless of what’s happening around them?

Like most of us, these are folks that appreciate the good times.

AND, they also seem to be able to transform the negative and focus on the positive in the face of negativity, challenge, and conflict.

They see the good in difficult people, they look at challenges & mistakes as opportunities for growth, and they appreciate what they have, even in the face of loss.

As a result, these individuals tend to be much more capable of handling the daily stressors that life brings their way!

WHY? I believe it’s because of their perspective that EVERYTHING that happens to them is something to be grateful for.

Would you like to increase your capacity for optimism & gratitude?

Would you like to maintain a more positive attitude in your life, even in the face of significant stress?

Fortunately, an attitude of gratitude CAN be cultivated with a little practice!

Here are a 6 simple ways that you can cultivate gratitude and banish stress:

Look for the Gifts

Every single experience that life offers has something to teach you, even if it’s what’s NOT to do next time! At bare minimum, you can walk away feeling grateful for knowing what doesn’t work. 🙂

Beyond that, there are always other gifts to be found as well.

For example, with a little practice & intentional self-awareness around when you are feeling stressed out by life, there are some simple questions you can ask yourself to transform a dis-empowering perspective into an optimistic, grateful attitude such as:

  • What’s the gift for me in this experience? (my personal favorite!)
  • What lessons am I learning that are of positive benefit to me?
  • What core values are missing (either on my part or someone else’s part) that need to be place next time?
  • What wisdom can I gain?
  • What can be done differently next time?

Basically, instead of “judging” the situation as good/bad, right/wrong, etc… you are “assessing” the situation so that you can learn and grow from it!

This attitude alone can greatly reduce stress and will definitely make you feel more grateful for the experience. Not only that but it’s a success mindset that will bring you MORE of what you desire!

Keep a Gratitude Journal

Consider writing about all that there is to be grateful for at least once a day in a gratitude journal.

You can even ask yourself the questions listed above to help you see the gifts in anything that didn’t go well and then document the lessons you’re learning in the form of gratitude!

One of my favorite things to do is to mentally picture everything I did throughout the day and find something to be grateful for in each experience.

I then write that down and now I have a beautiful book of good memories to reflect back upon! 🙂

Avoid Comparison & Self-Judgment

Let’s face it. We ALL make mistakes.

AND, the sad thing is that many people have a tendency to compare themselves to others and to judge, criticize, or blame themselves for their lack of “progress”.

Unfortunately, this is a very closed-minded approach because it’s not considering all the gifts, lessons, and wisdom that you are gaining! Not only that but if you’re beating yourself up, you’re going INCREASE stress and probably be pretty pessimistic.

If on the other hand, you regularly follow the previous recommendations for fostering gratitude & optimism, over time and with practice you’ll start to find more ease and grace showing up in your life.

AND, as you become more flexible, flowing, and open-minded in your perspective about your daily stressors, your life will start to flex, flow, and allow with ease too! 🙂

Practice Restorative Yoga for Stress Relief

In 15 minutes or less & with very little props or set up required, you can relax deeply & reset your nervous system with one of my favorite poses for managing stress!

Legs-Up-The-Wall (Viparita Karani)

yoga-legs-up-wallBenefits: Reduces swelling & fatigue in the legs, reduces low back pain by sending fresh flow of blood & oxygen to the pelvic bowl/hips/low lumbar, naturally addresses hypertension, & greatly reduces stress by stimulating the relaxation response in your nervous system.

Instructions:
1. Bring one end of a yoga mat or the edge of a thick blanket to rest along the edge of a wall.
2. Sit on the floor on the end of the yoga mat or edge of the blanket with one shoulder near the wall & your thighs parallel to the wall.
3. Roll down onto your elbows & back as you swing your legs up the wall.
4. Flatten your back by kissing your belly into the spine & make sure your tailbone & buttocks are not lifted off the floor (move slightly away from the wall to ensure this if need be).
5. Keep your legs straight but relaxed & bring your arms to rest out to your sides with the palms face up.
6. Close your eyes (you may place a sandbag or scarf over the eyes to help you go inward) & take several long, slow breaths.
7. Allow yourself to let go & relax deeply for anywhere between 5 – 15 minutes (it may be helpful to set a timer!).
8. When done, bend your knees toward your chest & roll to one side.
9. Take your time getting up by taking in several more deep breaths in & coming back to a seated position when you are done.

Do Not Practice This Pose If:
You have a hiatal hernia
You are menstruating
You are more than 3 months pregnant or at risk for a miscarriage
You have sciatica pain

Use Essential Oils for Gratitude & Stress Relief

There are several essential oils that can be highly beneficial for providing relief from stress! My suggestion is to choose the ones that smell or make you feel best. Everyone is different and gratefully, there’s an essential oil to suit anyone’s needs!

The oils that have been shown to provide stress relief are as follows:

lavender, lemon, ylang ylang, bergamot, grapefruit, geranium, frankincense, & marjoram

In addition, the following blends that I LOVE & use regularly have also been found to be helpful:

Focusing Blend (InTune), Joyful Blend (Elevation), Calming Blend (Serenity), Massage Blend (AromaTouch), & Grounding Blend (Balance)

My absolute favorite & TOP recommendation from all of the above is the Grounding Blend, also known as “Balance”. I simply apply 2 drops a day topically* to either the back of my neck or the pads of my feet.  🙂

*NOTE: Please test for skin sensitivity & dilute with a carrier oil if necessary!


Jess Bonasso, otherwise known as The Self Care Goddess, empowers women & busy professionals to LOVE them SELF, their HEALTH, and their LIFE!

For more information, click HERE to learn about Jess OR call 720-333-6796 TODAY to schedule a *COMPLIMENTARY* Self Care Wellness Consult!

To receive daily inspiration on how to LOVE your SELF, your HEALTH, and your LIFE, be sure to follow me on social media! 🙂

Like us on Facebook View our profile on LinkedIn Follow us on TwitterView our videos on YouTube

 

Why Self-Care Actually Leads to Abundance

Did you know that a dedicated practice of self-care can actually lead to more abundance?

abundance - jianiteo websiteApproximately 10 years ago (before I even knew about the Law of Attraction, manifestation, and abundance), I suffered from a very unhealthy habit known as “self-sacrifice”.

I was good at “giving to others” but not so good at “receiving for myself”.

As a result, I was stressed-out, burnt-out and energetically depleted more often than not.

AND, because I wasn’t consistently taking care of myself, I wasn’t able to foster, build, and grow the energy I needed to attract what I wanted with ease.

As I started to learn about the various energetic laws of the Universe, I realized that by NOT taking care of myself I was inadvertently blocking abundance from coming into my life!

Did you know that there are actually spiritual laws of the universe that aid us ALL in manifesting and attracting what we desire?

AND, did you know that the practice of self-care can greatly enhance this ability?

Over the years, I’ve learned a lot about these energetic & spiritual laws and found that there are 3 main components of abundance that must be considered for a person to manifest with more ease and grace.

To help you learn how self-care can actually lead to abundance I’d like to share with you these 3 main components of abundance that I’ve learned, which are as follows:

  1. Your ability to receive. This represents your willingness to receive abundance with gratitude and grace (instead of resistance and unworthiness). With this ability in place you are energetically telling the Universe that you are “worthy” of abundance instead of resisting it’s efforts to bring you what you desire. For example, if someone gave you a compliment, a gift, or a monetary offering would you accept with gratitude and grace? Or would you feel resistant to accepting that gift because you’re worried that the other person wants something in return. Or concern that the compliment, gift, or offering they are giving you is “too much”?
  2. Your ability to build & sustain. This represents your ability to foster, build, and grow any abundance that comes your way. Without this level of self-discipline in place you are energetically telling the Universe that you only want abundance if it’s “easy”. Although manifesting and attracting CAN be easy, it often requires at least some amount of dedication, desire, and effort on your part to for the Universe to know that you are not taking your abundance lightly. For example, are you squandering the abundance (whether it be time, energy, or money) you attract thoughtlessly? Or do you have a schedule, a budget, an investment plan, or a practice of self-care & discipline that helps you build and sustain any abundance you’ve received?
  3. Your ability to reciprocate. This represents your ability to reciprocate and give back others in some way. It also represents your willingness to give back to yourself! It’s important to note that this does NOT need to be immediate reciprocation upon receiving abundance, but rather something that allows you “to pay forward” the abundance you’ve received at a future date and time to a future recipient. This gift could be in the form of time, energy, or money and because the Universe abhors a void, this willingness to pay it forwrad can make you more magnetic to future forms of abundance that come your way.

When we practice all 3 of these components regularly in our life (as it relates to our time, our energy, or our money) it becomes much easier for us to manifest and attract what we desire!

So, why does self-care actually lead to abundance?

First, a self-care practice meets all 3 of the components related to abundance so that you can manifest with more ease and grace!! Here’s why:

  • Self-care represents your willingness to receive your own self-love, health & harmony into your life.
  • Self-care can be a daily/weekly/monthly practice of self-discipline that represents your willingness to foster, build, & grow that self-love, health & harmony.
  • Self-care is the ultimate gift you can give to yourself because it represents your willingness to reciprocate and give back to yourself.

With all of the above in place, not only will you feel great about yourself, your health, AND your life but you will also be activating the Law of Attraction with a much higher vibration and frequency in place!

Which of course, is what leads to our ability to manifest and attract with EASE. 🙂

Second, self-care is nurturing and “feminine” in nature, which is greatly needed to balance all of the “masculine” energy (“doing”, taking action, prioritizing,  etc..) we as humans need to employ in order to meet our daily tasks, priorities, and obligations.

With women especially, operating in our masculine energy all the time can be highly draining and exhausting. A regular self-care practice offsets all the energy we’re putting out and refuels our body, mind, & spirit, allowing us to be more feminine in nature AND even more effective when we do need to be in our masculine energy!

AND, this feminine energy is what allows to just “be” in the moment more easily, helps us go with the flow, has an energy of “allowing” (vs. forcing), and it encourages creativity which are ALL huge components to attracting abundance with more ease!

Third, self-care = self-love, which is considered to be the highest frequency and emotional experience available to us as humans.

In fact, love also vibrates at the same frequency as gratitude which ties in to our ability to “receive” more readily the gifts that each life experience brings.

Not only that, but self-love has the ability to heal old emotional wounds, allows us to have more compassion and patience others, and is ultimately what will result in a change in our external world.

WHY? Because your external world is always a reflection for what’s going on inside. Remember, according to the Law of Attraction, “like attracts like”. 🙂

To see if self-care actually can lead to more abundance for YOU (whether it be more self-love, prosperity, health, happiness, joy, etc…!), consider implementing the following:

  • Pay attention to your willingness to 1) receive, 2) build/foster/grow, and 3) reciprocate in ALL areas of your life for a period of 1-2 weeks. If you find that one of the 3 components is regularly NOT in place, create and implement a simple self-care ritual that will foster/build/grow that missing area for a month and see what changes.
  • Notice how much time you spend in both “masculine” and “feminine” energy mode to see if there’s an imbalance. Free up some time in your schedule so that you can incorporate more “feminine” energy activities (i.e. these would be activities that energize, inspire, delight, empower, or allow you to be more creative!) to balance out all the “masculine” activities that you engage in.
  • On a scale of 1-10 (with 10 being extraordinary), rate how much you LOVE yourself. If it’s less than a 10, determine the #1, simplest thing you could do to create change in that area & turn it into a self-care practice for ONE month.

At the end of one month, notice any new forms of abundance that arise in your life as a result of these changes! 🙂

If you’re diligent with these recommendations, you’ll likely notice a difference in how you’re feeling AND how you’re attracting.

Imagine… how much easier would it be to manifest, attract, and create what you desire if you truly loved your self, your health, & your life?!

Self-care is the answer. 🙂


Jess Bonasso, otherwise known as The Self Care Goddess, empowers others to LOVE them SELF, their HEALTH, and their LIFE!

For more information, click HERE to learn about Jess OR call 720-333-6796 TODAY to schedule a *COMPLIMENTARY* Self Care Wellness Consult!

To receive daily inspiration on how to LOVE your SELF, your HEALTH, and your LIFE, be sure to follow me on social media! 🙂

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Are Your “Strength Tanks” Running on Empty?

strengthHave you ever had a really low, dark, or frightening time in your life?

If yes, I’m sure you remember how difficult it was to go through that experience. Maybe you lost faith, felt dis-empowered (or worse!), or you just simply stopped believing in yourself.

Do you remember how exhausting that felt?!

More than likely, it depleted your “strength tanks” greatly (i.e. by lessening your confidence, courage, persistence, faith, commitment, etc…) until those reserves were running on empty.

AND, at some point, I imagine you were finally able to “warrior-up” & pull yourself through!

What possessed you to dig deep, deep beneath the depleted strength reserves you possessed during that dark time of your life?

To help you learn how to dig deeper (than you ever thought possible) when your “strength tanks” are running on empty, I’d like to share a personal story with you.

About two weeks I decided to go on a hike in the mountain wilderness, along with my faithful sweet corgi pup.

Along the trail, I was faced with the potential for my very own death.

When I had set out, the temperature was already well above 80 degress (in the mountains, this is considered HOT!). The incline of the trail was sharp and steady.

Quickly, I worked up a sweat.

Sadly, shade was infested with vicious hordes of mosquitos that constantly buzzed and bit through both the long-sleeved shirt and long pants I wore.

I reminded myself that a higher altitude would yield fewer mosquitos and pressed forward on the trail, pausing to take my first leisurely rest around 90 minutes later.

Finally, the altitude was high enough that shade yielded true relief. Mosquitos were non-existent so I rested there for awhile.

A very short time later, I started to feel funny in a not-so-funny way. In less than 5 mins I started experiencing all of the following:

  • My body felt over-heated.
  • My breath was shallow.
  • I felt weak.
  • No amount of water was cooling me off.
  • My handy travel peppermint essential oil bottle was EMPTY.
  • I simply couldn’t cool down.
  • I started to feel dizzy & disoriented.

Never having felt this way on a hike before, I knew it was important not to panic. I focused on my breathing. I ate a carrot stick or two to even out my sugar levels. I drank lots of water.

Finally, I started to feel better & decided to head back; however, after only 30 minutes I over-heated again!

This time, the disorientation hit me hard and the shade I was in was inundated with mosquitos. I couldn’t ground myself, I panicked, and then I felt the biggest fear I’ve ever felt in my life well up in my solar plexus.

I was afraid I might pass out (or worse!) on the trail!

After all, it was just me & my 1 1/2 year old dog on the trail. Not. A. Soul. In. Sight. Me panicked. My dog unprotected.

It took me a few moments to realize that in order for me to overcome this predicament I I needed to dig deep into strength reserves that had been compromised by heat exhaustion.

In that moment, it literally felt like a matter of life and death. I knew had to “save” not only my dog’s life, but my own.

I realized fully that the only way I would come down that mountain was to step into “warrior” mode.

To do that, I had to “warrior-up” and “suck it up”, buttercup.

In that shining moment of personal responsibility, I insisted on taking back control of my physical exhaustion and became committed to rising above the panic that was gripping my heart.

In that moment, I tapped into strength reserves I thought were non-existent.

Determined, I stood up, focused on my breathing, and put one foot in front of the other

My intuition told me to start eating the celery I had in my bag (somehow I knew it would cool me from the inside out).

By the time I arrived at my car, I felt like a warrior that had survived battle but I was greatly energized by my ability to get down the mountain.

The battle I won had actually been with myself.

And in that moment, I felt stronger than I’ve ever felt before.

So what’s the moral of the story?

For me personally, it was a lesson on strength, faith, commitment, persistence, determination, grit along with a few other lessons I’m walking away with:

  • I can learn from life’s ups & downs.
  • My unwavering commitment to myself & my belief in myself will get me through.
  • If at first I don’t succeed, breathe deep, course-correct, & try again!
  • I’m stronger & more courageous than I give myself credit for.
  • Life is worth fighting for.
  • My loved ones are worth fighting for.
  • I am worth fighting for.
  • “Warrior” energy gets things done.
  • Celery is my new hiking snack of choice!
  • Make sure I have peppermint essential oil in my backpack for cooling on hot days. 🙂

I know I could come up with even more lessons if I tried, as I’m sure you could too in a similar circumstance!

Just remember, there’s so much that’s of benefit to us from the low, dark, & frightening times of life.

AND, the next time an experience has YOU feeling low, dark, or frightened remember the following:

You are stronger than you think.

Simply decide what you’re most committed to in that moment and “warrior-up” through the actions that you take. 🙂


Hands on HeartJess Bonasso, otherwise known as The Self Care Goddess, empowers others to LOVE them SELF, their HEALTH, and their LIFE!

For more information, click HERE to learn about Jess OR call 720-333-6796 TODAY to schedule a *COMPLIMENTARY* Self Care Wellness Consult!

To receive daily inspiration on how to LOVE your SELF, your HEALTH, and your LIFE, be sure to follow me on social media! 🙂

Like us on Facebook View our profile on LinkedIn Follow us on TwitterView our videos on YouTube

How to Be of Service Without Self-Sacrifice

Most of us have heard the saying “give unto others as you would have done to you” but how do you know when the gifts you give to others are no longer serving you OR those you are trying to serve?

 

Early on in my business as a self-care & soul guidance coach, I learned some important lessons about giving TOO much of myself.
When I first started seeing clients, I desperately wanted to provide them with the best service I could render.

 

I knew the importance of good customer service and there was a part of me that believed if I bent over backwards to take care of my client that it would result in happier clients, more referrals, and greater financial prosperity!

On one hand, my desire to be of service was greatly beneficial to me because it taught me all the best ways to take care of my clients.On the other hand, I was so focused on my desire to be of service that I said “YES” far more often then was healthy, which resulted in me sacrificing myself more often than not.

Fortunately, this experience helped me better understand the difference between self-sacrifice and self-care!

It also taught me the importance of setting boundaries with my time, energy, and money.

Whether you have clients of your own or just friends and family in your life that you are offering your gift of service to, there IS a way to offer even GREATER service than you do now without the self-sacrifice!

To help you provide service that takes care of BOTH you and others, here are a few simple recommendations to create service-based results that are WIN-WIN all the way around:

  1. Only offer your gift of service from a place of  joy and true choice. Offering a service that you “have to or feel “forced” to offer is going to make you feel angry, bitter, or resentful will only set up everyone involved for failure. As a general rule of thumb, offer up your time, energy, and commitment to things that feel joyful, light, and free of resistance.
  2. Take time to consider the ripple effects if heaviness or resistance is present. If necessary, ask for time to think about the level of time, energy, and commitment that will be needed to provide the service you desire. Also, consider delegating, de-committing, or delaying the task to another time to make things feel more joyful, light, or free for everyone involved.
  3. Take responsibility for the decisions you make. If you don’t like the outcome of something, consider how the choices and decisions you make might prevent it from happening next time.
  4. Avoid over-committing yourself.  Jam-packing your schedule full of commitments will drain you of your energy, create emotional discontent, and make it more difficult to render the service you desire.
  5. Prioritize, reorganize, and adhere to your schedule daily so that you can focus only on the most important things, one thing at a time.
  6. Refuel your energy stores regularly. To keep from feeling depleted, exhausted, or overwhelmed by your commitments say “YES” to yourself by setting aside regular, consistent time for self-care, downtime, hobbies, creativity, exercise, etc… Not only will this recharge and make you more effective in the service that you’re rendering but it also keeps others from taking advantage of you.
  7. Load-balance energy-fueling and energy-draining activities throughout your day and week to prevent burnout.

Of course, there are many unique and different ways to provide service without sacrificing yourself.

In addition to implementing some of the above recommendations, you might also want to consider what this might look like for yourself by asking yourself the following questions:

  • In what ways have I sacrificed my health & well-being to take care of others?
  • What has this cost me?
  • How could I prevent this kind of self-sacrifice in the future in a way that’s WIN-WIN for all involved?

Going through this process will help you determine ways to take better care of yourself while still providing the service you desire.

I hope you’ve found this helpful and if you have other ideas or ways to provide service without self-sacrifice, please share in the comments below! 🙂


Jess Bonasso, otherwise known as The Self Care Goddess, empowers others to LOVE them SELF, their HEALTH, and their LIFE!

For more information, click HERE to learn about Jess OR call 720-333-6796 TODAY to schedule a *COMPLIMENTARY* Self Care Wellness Consult!

To receive daily inspiration on how to LOVE your SELF, your HEALTH, and your LIFE, be sure to follow me on social media! 🙂

Like us on Facebook View our profile on LinkedIn Follow us on TwitterView our videos on YouTube